stephanie

i now have a new journal. and i know before i said that i wasn't going to write in here ever again, and technically i have stuck by that. i will not be writing in this particular journal anymore, only the new one. okay now that i think about it, i'm writing in here right now so i have once again not been able to stick to something i have said. oh well.

i'll be informing the few people that i want reading my new journal what it is, and if by some chance there is someone else who still reads this then let me know. but livejournal seems to be dying, due to the popularity of myspace. i still enjoy writing entries though. so long, farewell.

i've learned that it doesn't pay to be a good friend or a good person.
at least in my case.
and i'm never writing in here again.
i've gotten too personal and i doubt anyone reads this. goodbye livejournal.

fuck you. i have better things to do than to sit around waiting.
what a considerate person you are.

i am obsessed with harry potter and i'm not afraid to admit it! i saw the movie twice, it was undoubtedly the best one so far. the acting was much better than it was in previous movies, i was very happy with the way it was shot and the way it played out in general. although, they did leave a few things out that should have been put in, like the whole story with rita skeeter. the ending felt rushed and the seriousness of what happened and what's going to happen was downplayed by harry, ron and hermione joking around. i don't know what i'm going to do after the last book comes out, and eventually the last movie. there'll be nothing more to look forward to in life.

i just love being blown off two nights in a row by two different people.

why do i talk to anyone at all?

there is no good reason for me to have done this quiz to see which action hero i am. it's completely pointless. i don't really feel like i'm the james bond type. i think my personality suits that of the terminator's so much better.

You scored as James Bond, Agent 007. James Bond is MI6's best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license's to kill. He doesn't care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner. </td> James Bond, Agent 007 67% Lara Croft 54% Batman, the Dark Knight 54% Neo, the "One" 46% Indiana Jones 46% Maximus 38% Captain Jack Sparrow 33% The Amazing Spider-Man 33% The Terminator 29% El Zorro 21% William Wallace 21% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

i got the dazed and confused soundtrack for eight bucks. best buy never has the movies that i specifically go there to get, they only have them later when i've already gotten them somewhere else and payed more. i'm going to read pride and prejudice after i finish reading she's come undone, again. i've discovered that eating chinese (pause while rachel laughs at the way i say chinese) food from the mall when you haven't eaten anything in a day is a bad idea. and the next punk ass kid that rides his bike in front of my car on purpose is going to get hit.

had the meeting with my advisor today, and after we finished my schedule and i left i realized i hated it and i've spent the past two hours trying to fix it. all the times for classes i wanted were overlapping so it's been very frustrating. and i also must have left the paper where i had written down the registration number that lets me add or drop classes online. so i have to wait and hear back from her, but since i'm doing this early i shouldn't have a problem with the classes. here's next semester:

Intro to Art History: 12:30-1:20 MWF
Child Psychology: 1:30-2:20 MWF
English 102: 3:00-4:15 MW
Introductory Algebra(which isn't my fault because i haven't done math since sophomore year and i was bad at it to begin with): 6:15-8:15pm TR (tuesday and thursday)


it's the best schedule i'm gonna get. i can sleep as late as i want tuesday and thursday, and i'm sure there will be more parking at night. as for the art history major, there doesn't seem to be one. i'll have it be my major where ever i transfer to, unless they are complete idiots and don't have one either.

all the time when i'm sitting in math, i hear this noise and i look and it's someone in one of those motorized wheelchairs absolutely FLYING down the hall. and i kind of laugh and it's awkward because no one else seems to notice it. i'm always the only one laughing.

school has been going by surprisingly fast, and my midterm grades are really good. on wednesday i have a meeting with my advisor to set up my schedule for next semester, and i was thinking about changing my major to art history. my art teacher is so enthusiastic about what he's teaching and i've been getting into art more than ever.

i love halloween, i'm going to have a huge horror movie marathon with eight bags of candy or more. and possibly some wine. i got this short purple wig that looked good in the picture but when i put it on it looked nothing like it, how disappointing. i've thought about being twiggy but i haven't found a short blonde wig yet. where are all the good wig stores?

i watched the doors movie last night, and now i'm doing research to see how much of it is true. did jim morrison really like to drink blood to help him get in the mood? and as some fans seem to think, is he really alive and well, writing his band mates letters under the pseudonym Mr Mojo Risin? it's an interesting theory.

there are no words left. i've said them all.

i spend so much of my time waiting.
waiting for people to do what they say they are going to do.
waiting to say what i feel.
and what i feel is that i'm going to burst.

THE FIRST...
First best friend: emma olsen
First car: ford escort
First real kiss: uhh would i count corbin? i don't know, dan couchon had to give him instructions
First album: i think celine dion
First pet: this cat nicky that my parents got rid of, even though they told me he ran away
First piercing: ears, and they are pierced too low and crooked. they give those piercing guns to anyone

THE LAST TIME...
Last cigarette: clove last night
Last car ride: tonight to big y
Last kiss: ooh ya know
Last good cry: the night before the first day of school when i had my mini breakdown
Last library book checked out: ah i haven't been to the library in so long, i just buy my books
Last movie seen: dolls, oh god remember that one rach?
Last beverage drank: mountain dew, i have been drinking waaay too much of that lately
Last food consumed: pizza flavored combos
Last phone call: jill
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: my cute blue pointy ones that give me blisters
Last item bought: sparkling cider
Last annoyance: jill saying that i like 'weird underground movies that don't make sense'
Last disappointment: oh there are many
Last time wanting to die: i always want to die, i just sit in my room alone listening to dashboard, crying. the world is just too painful to look at. please send me boxes of tissues.
Last shirt worn: david bowie shirt
Last song you sang: riders on the storm-the doors
What's under your bed?: probably fungus
What time did you wake up today? eleven

CURRENT THINGS...
Current music: ani difranco
Current taste: not sure
Current hair: down
Current desktop picture: it says DOOM in big letters for that movie, alex put it up
Current book: the unabridged journals of sylvia plath
Current color of toenails: cotton candy pink
Current hate: all the stupid people who listen to really bad music and have bad taste in everything and think that what i listen to and watch is strange

One or the Other:
1. Black or white? black
2. Boxers or briefs? those boxer brief things
3. Coke or Pepsi? i don't like either
4. Salt or pepper? salt
5. Sweet or sour? both
6. Vanilla or chocolate? chocolate, rachel how could you say vanilla
7. Short or long? long
8. Cheap or expensive? cheap
9. Firm or soft? soft
10. Hot or cold? i dont know

My favorite...
1. color is: dark red and turquoise
2. scent is: hard to choose
3. alcoholic beverage is: i guess vodka

5 things you ate in the last 24 hours: marzipan, sesame noodles, cookies, seaweed salad, jelly doughnut
5 things you did so far today: math homework, went to the movies, listened to music, ate, checked my mail
5 things you can hear right now: my mom watching that INXS show in the other room, alex opening the fridge, the fan, that annoying aim noise
5 people that never fail to cheer you up: rach and jeff, and that is it because everyone else sucks
5 things you can't live without: friends, food, moisturizer, dvr, conversation

it's pointless writing in here. i can't say what i really feel or what i really mean.

i've never woken up and felt that terrified.
it was an awful dream.



and what's more, i could see it happening.

new addiction: godiva chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream.
i think i'll be seeing my dentist sooner than expected.
i want to have a dance party, dancing by yourself just isn't as fun.
no one seems to have orientation on the same day as me, and i don't want to go alone.
i'll have to resort to asking someone that i can tolerate, instead of someone i actually like.
it might be a good idea to stop buying summer clothes when what i actually need is school clothes.
for colder seasons.
can't wear skirts and flip flops all year round, oh no.
hmm i think that eating chocolate and heavy foods late at night could be contributing to me not being able to sleep before 7 am.
chocolate or sleep?
hard to choose.

sinus infection seems to be over, only a sore throat and violent coughing fits to battle.

had my birthday dinner with adam, and even though I wasn't exactly healthy and didn't eat much of my dinner, it was still a very fun night.

half of the kids I went to middle school with are going to the same college as me. does no one go away to college anymore? maybe i won't see most of them, or have any classes with them. there is definitely more than a few people i'd like to avoid.

my sleeping pattern is still as messed up as ever. after almost four years without any sort of schedule, and no classroom environment, how am i going to function? the obvious thing is to turn to the jessie spano solution and take caffeine pills to stay awake, get addicted to them and kick the addiction by the end of the half hour.


time for soup.

i'm sick of this.

it's been days, and nothing. and i'll be damned if i say something first.

maybe my dream is trying to tell me something.

something along the lines of, this is how the situation is going to go with him, and here's what it's gonna be like when your friendship ends.

you wake up in the middle of the night and you're dying for a glass of milk. so you stumble out of bed, stub your toe in the darkness, scream with pain, and limp your way to the refrigerator.

you open it up and the light is brilliant. you're saved. then you fold back the paper container, open up the milk, take a deep breath, and put it to your lips. only -yhrch!- the milk is spoiled.

sure, you're bummed. you fold the thing closed and put it back in the fridge. it's dark again. but as you're making your way to your lonely old bed, you think to yourself, wait a minute, maybe that milk wasn't so bad. and am i still thirsty? so you do an about-face and go back to the fridge. the light warms you up again. you take a sip and, yup, it's still spoiled.

that, to me, is the fitting metaphor for most every relationship i've ever been in.

i don't know why, but i did this googlism.com thing that i saw in amelia's journal, where you type in your name and all these interesting sentences come up. here's the best ones.





stephanie is stretching her horizons
stephanie is so afraid of germs
stephanie is pregnant mothermania
stephanie is bad
stephanie is reaching infamy for kissing just about everyone on the roster
stephanie is the whore of all whores
stephanie is now available to you
stephanie is allowed up to four visitors at a time
stephanie is after the neighborhood candy store owner
stephanie is hooker i like it
stephanie is “using” little eric
stephanie is still trying to get people wet
stephanie is restless oriental porn





yup, that's me